by Li Wei (立委)
Why I Write Morning Glory and Afternoon Collection — Preface 2
After middle age, I grew fond of reminiscence. From time to time, seized by a mood, I would casually record the most unforgettable moments and feelings of my life — gathering fragments into a whole, publishing them online under the pen name 立委. This became "Morning Glory and Afternoon Collection".
"My Postgraduate Exam Experience" was the first piece in this nostalgic series, blogged on May 2, 2004, in Buffalo, New York. From there I couldn't stop, writing on and off for over a decade. Looking back, the college and postgraduate entrance exams — "leaping over the dragon gate" — truly were the fundamental turning points of destiny. On my first trip home after many years, both my elder brother and a senior schoolmate told me that for our generation, life's path was largely set the moment you either cleared or fell short of that gate. This is deeply unfair, because what standardized exams measure cannot begin to capture the talent and potential so many classmates possessed. Yet this is how society sorts us — an imperial examination system at its core, where academic excellence opens every door. Most opportunities and resources ultimately fall to the lucky few who cleared the dragon gate, leaving one to sigh at the opportunities in life.
A human life is like a dream — when you wake, nothing remains. Recording the most piercing moments, at least, freezes a frame of life. Life is brief. I didn't set out to write deliberately — I would simply record what came to mind, fearing that when I was truly old I would forget, as if I had never lived at all.
I began writing Morning Glory and Afternoon Collection to share with family, and later with those friends close enough to confide in. I have never deliberately elevated or embellished, but I know there is no absolute truth memories. What I call truth is only the truth of my memory, and memory is surely unreliable in places. Absolute truth is not necessarily more valuable — except when writing history — whereas "felt truth" is the stuff of literature. I have done my best to be truthful. Where something cannot be described truthfully, I would rather not write than knowingly fabricate. Some things I may only have the courage to write after retirement. What I choose to set down is real — not only for peace of mind, but in the hope of offering something to those who come after. But none of this is what matters most. What matters is using this unique way to connect with my father, my family, and those cherished friends — old buddies bound by common attention, care, concern, and fate — in a genuine exchange. I think to myself: without doing this, our usual conversations, trips home, and school reunions could never attain such depth. Separated for too long, people often find themselves with nowhere to begin. There are indeed things too precious, too sensitive, too delicate to share. But there is so much more that needs and can be shared — yet so many people rush through a lifetime without ever finding the occasion or the way.
Some time ago, talking about body and soul, I wondered: what is it that endures? At the very least, a person has thoughts, sensibility, and memory. If these are committed to words, it is as if something metaphysical is solidified and externalized. Though it cannot achieve immortality, at least it will not vanish with the body's going away. The ancients said: literary works endure across a thousand autumns. I have not thought that far — but sharing with family and friends is itself one of life's pleasures.
After I wrote Morning Glory and Afternoon Collection, my father began writing his own memoir, "Wind and Rain Through the Seasons", allowing us to understand more of his life. Every time I read about the famine year of 1960, and the life-and-death separation from my aunt — his younger sister — I cannot hold back tears. My elder brother also wrote "Riverside Chronicle" (later collected as "Small-Town Green Years"). His memory is more precise, his descriptions more delicate and vivid. Those "old stories" from the county town where we grew up, events that feel like a world away, come back to vivid life before our eyes.
This volume also collects a unique family heirloom — the surviving manuscript of my great-grandfather, "Remaining Ink of the Elder Li".
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朝华午拾 · 代序
我写朝华午拾——代序2
立委
人到中年之后，喜欢怀旧。有时候兴起，把自己一生中刻骨铭心的所历所感，随手记录下来，集腋成裘，以立委为名发表在互联网上，是为《朝华午拾》。《我的考研经历》是我《朝华午拾》怀旧系列的第一篇，博客记于2004年5月2日纽约州水牛城。从此一发不可收，断断续续写了十几年。回想起来，人的一生，高考和考研的"跳龙门"确实是命运的根本转机。第一次回国探亲，老哥和师姐都跟我说，同辈人后来的生活道路，大多在冲刺龙门的那一刻就注定了。这很不公平，因为很多同学所具有的才干和潜力，应试教育是不能全面衡量的。但是，社会就是这样来鉴别的，本质上还是科举制度，学而优则"仕"。多数机会和资源最终落在少数幸运地跃过龙门的同学身上，让人不胜唏嘘。
人的一生就跟梦一样，醒来什么也没留下。把最刻骨铭心的片段记录下来，至少把生活定格了一下。人生苦短，也不是刻意去写，想到了就记录下来，怕以后真老了，就记不得了，感觉白活了一样。
我写《朝华午拾》的起因是跟家人分享，后来也跟谈得来的朋友分享。从来没有刻意拔高或虚饰，但我知道，没有绝对的真实。所谓真实，也只是我记忆中的真实，而记忆肯定有不可靠之处。绝对真实不一定更有价值，除了写史以外，而感受的真实才有文学。我已经尽力真实，如果遇到无法真实描述的，我宁肯不写，也不刻意为虚。有些事大概要等到退休以后才有勇气。选择写出来的就是真实，不但求得心安，而且也希望给后来者以启发。但这些都不重要，重要的是，用这种独特的方式，跟老爸和家人，还有亲密好友，爱护、关心、有缘结识的老友，有一个交流。我想，我如果不这样，平时的谈话，回家探亲，还有同学聚会，都不可能深入和亲密。分开太久，人常常是这样，很多话无从谈起。确实有一些太过珍贵、太过敏感、太过微妙的，无法分享。可是还有更多的，是需要也可能分享的。但是很多人匆忙一辈子，就找不到一个机会或者方式。
前些时候谈肉体和灵魂，我就想，什么是永存的东西。至少人有思想、感性和回忆，如果诉诸文字，好像就把某种形而上的东西固化和外化出来。尽管不能不朽，却至少并不会随肉体消亡而逝去。所以，古人说，文章千古事。我倒没想千古那么远，但是，与亲友分享，亦是人生一乐。
我写《朝华午拾》后，我老爸开始写回忆录《风雨春秋》，让我们更多了解他这一辈子。每次读到60年荒年，我姑姑（爸爸妹妹）的生离死别，我就忍不住流泪。老哥汉阳一江水也写了《江城记事》（后结集为《小城青葱生活》）。他的记忆更加准确，描述也细腻。我们从小生活的县城所发生的那些恍如隔世的"城南旧事"，栩栩如生回到我们眼前。
本书还收集了家传孤本，我曾祖父的《李老夫子遺墨》。
From Morning Glory and Afternoon Collection (朝华午拾) — a memoir series. Original Chinese text: 代序.
